This is better written down rather than cooped up inside.

--I said I was going to get rid of this but this is my blog and this is what happens when I get angry. I don't do anything about it. I just write an angry note to essentially no one and then leave it in my drafts folder.--

I'm pissed off. Terraria is a game, like two dimensional minecraft. We were playing on a server and I spent a good 3 hours remodelling the house. Why? Because it was something I could do. I already felt that I'd been left behind before. I felt like everyone was running around with something to do and I was just stuck there going, "Well, I guess I'll mine." And the worst part about that was everyone else had gotten fancy toys and I had received cast-offs. So yeah I'd remodelled the house. And I had put stairs across Micheals house to get an NPC up into the room that they were supposed to be in. The NPC had gotten there and I decided to go to bed thinking that I would fix the stairs tomorrow. And while I was there I figured I'd do a bit more walling, maybe make a few more rooms. So when I logged in next, Micheal's room was fixed. I'd got up late so I expected it however the other thing that happened I did not expect. Turns out Micheal had beaten the end game boss and put the server into hard mode.

He passed it off so casually, "Hard mode, your gonna need better gear." Was what he said I think. I had to read it a few times, to make absolutely sure that I was reading it right. And then I felt mad as hell. What in name of all that's holy did he think he was doing, fighting the end game boss without anyone else except for someone whose been playing this game for a while. How about the rest of us who'd only just picked the game up? I shouldn't feel mad on behalf of the others, I have no idea how they reacted. What about me who'd already been left behind by everyone once before. And to me he'd pretty much fucked my experience.

Those kind of games are about discovery for me. I was slingshotted up, bypassing a lot of the game, now when I had less than great gear and only a bit of knowledge I was going to have to play on a hard mode server. I sure as hell wasn't going to give it up, I'd spent three hours on that fucking house I was going to enjoy it. But now I have people who phase through walls and fuck me up and then slide off again like nothings happened. And a boss that spawns in the middle of the base for no apparent reason offs me and then flies away.

This has happened in another game before which I don't blame Micheal for not knowing about. Long story short I was borrowing a minecraft account on a server and they were about to fight the ender dragon. I went to bed and then when I woke up it was gone. I'd been left behind.

I mean what the hell dude. We had two of those fucking dolls you could have taken one into your own world and "Seen it before everyone else did it". We weren't going to leave you behind. But you over-reacted over some fucking stairs. You felt exactly the same way I did when I woke up and Psi had handed out gifts. Except instead of building a giant dick you went and fucking cleared the game. At least when I was  unhappy at being left behind I didn't absolutely fuck up someone else's first experience with the game.

And it was my fault you know, for building those stairs and decorating and remaking the house. That was literally all that had happened except for a meteorite. And it's my fault for continuing to play. He admitted he fucked up but not before I had to lecture him into it. It didn't even feel contrite. It's like children muttering sorry after a telling off.

So yeah I'm pissed, I hope you feel guilty about this and I have no problems with it.

"And here we are, on the raggedy edge...

Don't push me, and I won't push you."

If I had a motto in life this would probably be it. It's a cool quote and it says a lot about how I try to behave. Of course I have had some slip-ups, done some pushing and been pushed myself. But I figure I've done some good.

Anyway... man when was the last time I wrote one of these. Before uni obviously, I remember trying to write a blog post but it ended up being only a few words so I scrapped it. I wonder if it's still floating around here somewhere. Okay it isn't, I must have deleted the draft after all. But as to the actual one, I don't remember it. After reading it I realise that I was kind of down in the dumps at that point. And why wouldn't I have been I was playing dark souls without a controller. But I did miss my friends something fierce. I rely on them far more than is healthy. I play games with my friends often enough and I actually would see them some days during the past few months. I am playing with Rachel which surprises me (Chrome still doesn't think that Rachel isn't a word) I think that I tried to get her to play at one point. Actually nope, I never tried to make her play from memory I just talked about it a little. I got told that my waistcoat is two and a half years old. The old things done a good dash. I hope I can give it to someone who appreciates such dapper finery as me. Even reading back on my old posts I can see where I tried to make myself feel better, maybe even made myself look better than I really am, I'm laughing at myself at the moment but I know that I won't change. Or maybe I will, I just think it's funny how much I can pick holes in myself and then end up with the exact same mistakes later on.

So uni was fun. One of my papers wasn't a great time, not the one that I thought would be bad but I had a good time. It was good to dedicate myself to something big again. Maybe if I'd forced myself to keep writing I could have made something out of that. I think that when I have an Idea and I know where I want it to go I should use a keyboard but when I just want it to change and grow I should use a pen. The two things just suit each other better. I would be playing league at the moment but my latency is really high. So ping, really high. It sucks but I figured I should right this instead of pointlessly trying to fix it. I don't know why it's so high, it just is. If all goes well I might be moving to Wellington next year. It should fix my ping problems. If you play league then you should Listen to Instalok. It's a youtube channel and they make parodies of famous songs. I like it.

I'm not reading anything at the moment. I've read all of my bookshelf and I don't feel like reading mums extensive collection of Mills and Boon. I'm still playing League but for the most part I'm playing Skyrim and Saints Row 3 and 4. They're fun games. Micheal comes home soon so that will be most fun. We're gonna play all the games forever. Well we're going to LAN that much I'm certain of. Oh yes LANiversary is soon. I'm looking forward to that. Two and a bit days of gaming it's like heaven for me. Plus I'm going to Havelock for a few days to see my buddy Henry. He has fireworks and games and the best part is there is a football match between our favourite teams on Monday night. Arsenal and Manchester United if you were wondering. I figure you guys know which one is mine. I wonder if my ping has fixed itself yet. Nope so onwards with this.

I've watched a ton of movies lately. I'm almost caught up on the movies that I wanted to watch. I am running out on Anime however, I'll need to grab some more off Chris and get to work finding my own. Zetsuen no Tempest, great anime I recommend. I think that a live action of Code Geass would be a good thing for people who didn't watch the anime. I think it's a great story, tiny bit to Japanese for most people but I don't care it would still be great. I should watch that again. I still have no idea what I'm going to do in the far future but who cares. Today is good, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet and yesterday is behind me. I'll deal with tomorrow in it's due time. I am however frustrated, mostly because I can see what's wrong or at least I think I can but I can't do a damn thing. Or rather I'm not sure that I am the one who can help. I just can see it happening and I'm powerless to even make it slightly better. Yeah Rachel I'm talking about you. I want to help, but I dunno how or if I'm even helping. It's like that sad smile people sometimes get. Some days I just shrug because I know dam well I don't know if I'm helping and some days I get frustrated... well you get the idea or maybe you don't. It's the worst feeling I've ever felt, aside from breaking my leg but that was a different kind of worst.

That went from really light-hearted to surprisingly dark. Fuuuuuu... I hope I don't come off as pretentious or something. I'm always a little apprehensive about what I put in these things. So Rachel, you called me out on it and here is the blog post, for better for worst.