I read many things this is one of them...

http://www.reignofgaming.net/news/20807-what-i-learned-about-myself-in-the-last-6-months
It means nothing to a lot of people. It's about League which makes less people interested and Elementz is one of the characters in the league scene that everyone either seems to love or hate. Personally I'm a fan. I think he's still one of the best supports even after being benched from CLG and Curse's apparent lack of success. But this is his story about what happened to him during his time at CLG and Curse.

You should read it even if you don't like League or even care about gaming. But for those of you who won't here's a cut down version. He was demoted to support and his heart wasn't in it. He couldn't succeed at that role because he didn't feel like he wanted it. After getting benched he found his fire, he wanted to be the best support to show what CLG were now missing. He then talks about how you need to be passionate about what you do otherwise you won't be happy.

" You need to be confident. You need to have something to prove. You need to have something to STRIVE for! That's when you'll unlock the best you have to offer. When you're emotionally connected to what you're doing and what you love to do that's where true success shines through and I've got a lot to prove not only to myself, but to this community."


 This is probably the most important part of this article in my opinion. And when I read this I doubt myself. I'm not emotionally connected to much and success hasn't been a faithful companion these days. I'm rarely confident except on the outside and there's not much to strive for here.

Tonight I logged onto league because I thought that it would be a good time to get more IP in time to buy Ezreal who is getting a cool skin soon. But I stopped after two games and then it took me another hour to play again. This time with my friends. We won but I didn't feel like I'd done anything. And then I did something I abhor and I hate myself for it. I went looking for approval and praise. This should be earned not looked for. But I did it anyway. I should be happy with my performance unless there's something drastically wrong with it.

Times like those I hate myself.

I got a bike today.

Two clarifications. One It's not a new bike and two I cleaned and fixed my bike over the past few days and the new tube for the tire came today. I haven't used it in over two years I figure that it counts as new, so as new as things could actually get without physically buying or getting given something.

I received a Beta key for Planetside 2. More clarifications. Planetside 2 is a new MMOFPS(Massively Multiplayer Online First Person Shooter) that is going into beta soon. Beta is the state where the company allows members of the public to test and use the program. Closed Beta means that only selective people who have received Beta key's can access the Beta. An open Beta means anyone can try it. I recieved one of the keys that lets me into the closed Beta. Well sort of. Technically it's only a priority access beta key. Which means that I'm let into the closed Beta before other people who have simply signed up for the beta. I'm very happy about this. So there's something to be happy about.

I'm not so much sad as another one of my indifferent spells. I don't feel sad and there's little to be happy about. I suppose life looming over me isn't exactly helping. Drama assessment due Tuesday next and I've just realized that I've made a catastrophic mistake in my book work. Art assessment that we never actually did is bugging me. I'm trying to get into my folio assignment but I'm not exactly thrilled about the topic I've chosen. Any suggestions would be welcome, just not a film festival, that's what I'm doing at the moment and just eww.

Not having an Ipod makes me appreciate my computer more. And I have got to stop watching livestreams. It just eats through my bandwidth. Especially when a patch for any videogame is coming up. That and communication is hard enough as it is.

I love you somebody. Not just anybody. It's simply nobody.

Today I got told I don't post much

It was heartening to know that Tania still looks for posts. But I've just been to busy. In between earning money, playing games, writing, schoolwork. It's almost like I haven't had time for feelings at all. But that is of course a lie. You cannot turn off your feelings any more than you can turn off the sun. Probably a bad metaphor because the sun does go down and science tells us that one day the sun will go out, so by my metaphor feelings will eventually disappear. And if you've seen equilibrium that isn't exactly a nice picture.

So I'm doing my English research project on H.G Wells. One of the Godfather's of Science Fiction. Being a genre close to my heart I love Wells' work but not just because it's science fiction. I don't like bad books just because they're Science Fiction. I like Wells' work because his characters are both believable and extremist. I don't know if people agree with me and I don't necessarily care. You don't like H.G Wells, oh well. He isn't for everyone. The way people like movies that others don't. All about personal freedoms and choices. Something that appears to be lacking from life in general these days. I still have personal freedom and choices but the timer on those choices is running low.

I told Micheal I needed some time to clear my head. And don't worry it's nothing serious. Just to many thoughts rushing around. I just needed some time to sort though them. I over think things, there are worse things that could be wrong with me. But while it doesn't affect me physically it can be a little crippling mentally. It's like being stuck, unable to move, but because you can't stop thinking.

Gee thanks Tania and Horowai . Now I want to watch Cardcaptor Sakura. Yes I am a mild anime nerd. And good news all round, my Splinter Cell Conviction has started working again. Now if only I could get a girlfriend. I'm just kidding I don't need one of them. At least it doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe later when I'm not sitting in my house doing educational and cleaning stuff.

Fortitude Gaming.

We are pretty cools guys. We play league and we don't afraid of anything. Except if top feeds the Darius. Then we fear him. But in all honesty we're a solid team. Not the best by any means but we're still a decent team when it comes down to it. It seems like that's become something rather prevalent in my life. I'm not good I'm just decent. Someone you'd pick but not first. Someone who you might rely on if a few other people weren't there. I still haven't found something where I'm the first person you go to, unless of course it's random information, I'm still pretty good at that.

But anyway, enough with the self depravity. Is that even the right word? Probably not but I really don't care. Illicit is not the same as Elicit. I found this out a few seconds ago. Provoking someone into telling the truth may get yourself out of the fire but it may also loose you respect. I think Modest Mouse's song Dashboard is pretty cool. The music video is really far fetched and somewhat bizarre, so pretty much standard for music videos. But I think it's really cool because I do... You should totally look it up, just because I want you to.

"To be honest if I were you I'd go for it." Never been in that situation so why am I giving advice?

Getting lectured.

Nobody really likes it when it's a criticism but when its a chance to improve your own knowledge based on the experiences of someone who has done more and knows more than you then chances are you'd take it. However when it comes to something that is as volatile as religion, well then it turns into a fifty fifty on whether or not you take it. I say this because I recently went to June Weekend. Which is a bible studies weekend that's run over queens birthday weekend. Which is generally in June, hence the name.

And at June weekend I had heaps of fun which is generally what happens which makes it a general fixture in my year around this time, plus LNI (Lower North Island). Both of which I missed last year. One for Fiddler and the other for Rachel's ball. And my parents are helping out with LNI this year so I'm not getting out of it even if I wanted to. But anyway onto the reason that I'm writing.

The speaker, who was American, was speaking on Romans 7 and 8. And he said, (Paraphrasing) "If you don't hate this life then you probably need to look at your attitude towards this world and Christ." And I don't hate this life. I enjoy the people that are in it and as I've stated before (somewhere) I believe that everybody has the potential for good and sure there are some bad eggs and rough times but there always seems to be some kind of light at the end. So this mean that I need to look at my attitude towards Christ? I'm still not sure. And I'm fine with waiting. Just because you are patient doesn't mean that you don't want the end to come. So I don't see waiting as a bad thing. There's plenty to busy ourselves with in the mean time. Friends to find and adventures to have. In all honesty I don't know what this means.

In all probability I think it means that I don't think I agree with everything that my religion says. For much of the doctrine I believe it whole-heartedly most days. (There are some days when I have a bit of a depression) But does this slight disagreement mean that I should leave? I mean some of that could be attributed to me just being hopeful and naive. But it still haunts me when I go to religious events. Because I don't quite fit. I've never quite fitted.