Dammit.

Bare with me. This ones complicated. Full of feelings things and stuff like that. Well, a while back there was a drama sleepover. And by a while back I mean yesterday. I'm off to a flying start but anyway. So we got there and we played werewolves(awesome game) and watched Superbad(average movie) and a lot of us fell asleep listening to the movie. Except for Micheal, Kassie, Ki-taurangi and I. We were talking about the nature of consumerism and ethics when it comes to the distribution of revolutionary technology, built in redundancy. And no offence Ki but I never thought that I would ever be having that conversation when you were part of the group. Then Micheal and Ki both went to bed and Kassie was sharing my pillow because she didn't have one. And for about half and hour we both lay there trying to sleep. Then I told her the best bedtime story ever. It had cats and turtles and wishes it was a brilliant story. And then we started talking about heavy stuff like purpose in life, that kind of stuff. Then we were making out.

I don't remember which one of us actually made the move but I did enjoy the kissing. But of course me being me I couldn't just take something for it's face value. I talked to her about how we couldn't get into a relationship because she was going to Auckland and I was staying here. I thought it was the right thing to do but I may have then erased that and sent the wrong message by then spooning her for the rest of the night. I don't think it's fair on either of us to pursue a relationship.

Oh yeah, I may repeat myself because sometimes when I'm stressed my thought process does that. My biggest problem at the moment is I have no idea where we stand. I never seem to talk to Rachel any more although I do admit that the circumstances are markedly different. But I don't want the end result to be the same. I don't want to lose my friends any more than distance will make me lose them. That didn't really make any sense but I hope you get the idea.

I need to throw myself into something but I don't play league without friends and quite honestly game just don't seem as appealing as they did before this. And games you have to have a wind down period before you can sleep. I have never met a person who could go straight from games to sleep without some form of losing conciousness going on there. And that wind down period will let me go all sorts of places inside my head. Places I may not necessarily want to be. Dammit Micheal why Australia? I can't walk there. I'm not getting any sleep tonight.

Next time on Jordan is a whining bitch. Hefty discussion of purpose.