Ain't nothing I can do about that. But because I want it doesn't mean that I get it. So if I want it bad enough shouldn't I go out and do my utmost to get it? So why don't I? I keep telling myself that I need something but I never seem to try and get it. I don't understand how my own mind works. I don't understand how I'm supposed to arrive at a conclusion that benefits me and everyone around me. I don't want to be selfish but I don't want to be entirely selfless as well.
And just like that it's gone. A light extinguished in front of my very eyes so sudden that the image is still burned into my irises. An image that hovers so tantalizing in front of your imagination that you could almost live it. It's gone and it will never be back. Because even if something close shows up at you doorstep it won't be the way you remember it and it sure as hell won't play out the way you want it to. So you move forward always looking back because you prefer that which came before to what happened and will. Because you don't have the stomach to live, move forward and change things for your own and others benefit. And because you think that it's far easier to simply be as is rather than try and change. Because change is hard for you.
And of course by you I mean me. "Please God make me stone." So that I don't know and feel this way. A single act. Who would have thought that a single act could trigger that. Usually circumstance has a beat down on me but today it was just one thing. Ain't the mind a beautiful thing.
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