Stop believing me when I tell you it's nothing!

People ask me "Are you okay?" I say yes because it's easier than explaining. Explaining that you know that something is wrong and you desperately try and fix it but nothing you try works. Knowing that you can feel it eating away at you but you can never actually understand what it is that's wrong let alone try and fix it. I can't just cure this by not thinking about it. Or by thinking about something desirable. Nothing works any more. Not Tania, Not Rachel, not anybody who I ever loved in any way helps. I just end up thinking about how I hurt them. Even if it was pathetic and small and tiny. Even if it's just one small thing, it will play over and over in my head until I want to tear at my hair and scream til it stops. I keep telling myself they've moved on, that it's nothing, that it no longer matters. But I can't stop it. I can't stop the images in my head of the things I've done wrong. I'm not a bad person. I just want it to stop.

Dammit.