Restraint isn't something that I excel in. I know it and I'm fairly sure most of my friends do. In fact that's where one of my habits comes from. I will announce that I'm not going to say something, blatantly setting myself up to pray on their curiosity, so that I get to say it anyway. Ingenious for someone like me who just can't help myself.
It's not as bad as other people or as destructive. I just have a loose connection between my mouth and my brain. Or rather a connection that is far to efficient. It translates thoughts to speech far to quickly. It's hard for me to contain impulses as well. Like I keep squeezing the arm of my friends puffer jacket. Nothing harmful, but she doesnt like it so I need to stop. And every time I see her I can't help but think about what I'm not allowed to do. I am not allowed to squeeze her arm. And it gets stuck in my head, I can't get it out no matter how hard I try. I can't help but show more affection to my friends than I need to. It's annoying for my friends, as far as I can tell, and it is confusing my own feelings about people. What used to be normal is now painfully over the top when I look back at it.
I just can't help it. It's like a virus written into my brain. I can't control it, I can't get rid of it. I'm a slave to my own ridiculous impulses. And I never wanted this. I don't want to place my friends in that sort of situation. I don't want to place myself in that sort of situation.
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