- A sentimental longing for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
Oh Rachel look what has happened to me. I don't blame you for the way I feel right now. It was great to actually talk. But these things just happens. I figure that as soon as I move into another relationship then these moments of nostalgia will go away. And come back once I'm on the other side. Pessimism and apathy. My two greatest sins. A big sigh as more memories roll through my head. A pessimist optimist. Where all I can invent are the ways for things to go badly wrong and yet I have a thoroughly shaken but still standing belief in mankind. Maybe a pessimistic idealist, because all of the things that I hold to are ideals. That love always prevails, cruelty will be erased one day. It's essentially Christianity with no savior, humanism I think. I'm not sure what to believe. I think that given the chance humans can right their wrongs. Every person can. There are many reasons not to think and feel as I do and I don't think other people will. Wars and cruelty, exploitation. But I still have a hollow belief in humanity. And I cling to it as if it where a ship. Battered and bruised, held together by spit and prayers. Which is ironic because this is about god which I've all but said I don't believe in any of the gods out there. I think this is the largest digression I've ever managed. Maybe it is. And I probably shouldn't have fed the nostalgia by going through old folders. I need to Marshall thoughts on something. I need to decide and prove to myself something. That I don't discriminate needlessly. I need time though. Just a bit of time.
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