I'm happy for the minute.

As we are all well aware of It's hard for me to be happy. There's always something hanging over my head but tonight I feel fine. The ball was tonight and it was fun. I'll admit I zoned out slightly and it came as a great surprise when I found my arm being tugged by Tania to come and dance. Which consisted of repetitive movements of hip and arms along with a healthy dose of fist pumping. I can dance choreographed  Ask me to dance on the spot and I'm stumped. We got a picture of our gaming team with a substitute Jungler. Bongo was the only one around and we played with him often enough so, he's now our sub. I danced, an improvement on the last time, I ate, also an improvement. But there are two things that I have to get off my chest.

Rachel was there and the moment I saw her I felt guilty. Guilty for not making her year 12 ball as enjoyable as it could have been. I know it's a long time ago and I'm fairly sure she harbours no ill will about it but that won't stop me being sorry about it because deep down, I know that I fucked that up. I was more concerned about me than I was about her. And I'm sorry for it. 

The second thing was not as depressing as the first. Like I said Rachel was there and I spent a lot of time talking to her. It felt good to see her again and just talk. It reinforced my belief  that I value face to face contact more than anything else. It was easy to talk to her above all else and maybe that was one of the reasons that I fell in love with her. But as we know love evolves, love moves on, blah blah blah, don't worry I'm not in a hurry to try anything. But it never hurts to realise what you liked in the first place when it comes to that special someone. 

But wait, Kassie was there as well, but I'm fairly sure that she understands. The failures in my last relationships and the hypothetically increased distance make it even less likely to work and well, I don't want to break a friend. I could ramble on about many tangents that my mind has created but I think it's better to stay within the realm of reality, and perhaps sanity. 

A good night, one of the best nights, thanks everyone. Thanks Fortitude Gaming, thanks to Tania for pulling me out of my reverie and making me dance, thanks to Rachel for just talking. But dam I wish I'd had that top hat.