One day I'm on the hugest high I could imagine. Nothing was wrong with my world, all was well. Then in one evening I have been reduced back to the huge pathetic moody teenager I normally am. It has also reduced my music tastes from its usually large and diverse selection of genres to a man shouting at me and playing the guitar, bass and drums vigorously.
I suppose I should start at the beginning. It's called a beginning for a reason. Well yesterday was my girlfriends birthday (yay her) and I got to spend the morning with her. Then I went to wellington to watch my cousin get baptized (yay him). Then I spent the evening playing board games with my cousins and then went back to the place I was staying and watched CLG face off against frag eXecutors in the Intel extreme masters (yay me).
And today started off well enough. Slept in, went to church, nice lunch, traveled home. Then things started going backwards. I lost a game (nothing new) but then halfway through the next one while playing with my best friend my router decided to be a pencil. Then when I was trying to fix it mum and dad got angry at me simply for being on the computer and using the internet. I mean come on that's kinda pathetic. "Get off.." "Why?" "Because the internet is mine and I'm tired of seeing you on that game." I don't tell you to get off your bike dad and I don't tell you to stop reading those stupid romance novels you insist upon reading mum. So then why the fuck should you be allowed to just boot me off my game because your sick of seeing me do something. You wouldn't be yelling at me if I was reading a fucking book, or playing stupid scrabble with a dog, so whats the difference? They're both hobbies.
It feels good swearing, even if it's just me typing it out. Mostly because mum and dad hate it when I swear. It's petty revenge, you mucked me up in something so I'm going to make you angry. It's never really a good idea, ill-conceived and poorly executed with no regard for the consequences. But simply saying fuck makes me feel better. Muttering under my breath at how unfair this is makes it even better, just out of the hope they'll be listening so I can snap back at them. But ultimately it won't do anything for me. It doesn't change the world and I just end up swallowing my anger until I end up snapping and making a particular situation worse or storming off because I'm afraid of jeopardizing something for my girlfriend.
That's the thing I'm the most afraid of. Losing her, because not being able to see her makes me feel horrible. A deep yearning I can't sate, and I'm to afraid to just do something rash, like walk out to Bunnythorpe. It might take me a few days to get there but one day I'm going to do it. And that kind of scares me. The fact the one day I might need to resort to walking there.
And even then I'll just come back home, apologize, promise to never scare mum and dad like that again, and continue with life. And it makes me sick to my stomach. The level of respect that they command. God knows they earnt it, but a lot of adults act like some sort of fucking god compared to children and teenagers. And they expect it every single day and the only excuse is show some respect to your elders. So what about all the other times I showed you fucking respect? So what about all the times you disrespected me? Do they just magically disappear. *Fucking Poof* It pisses me off and there's no fucking thing I can do about it. I just want to scream in they're face about they're various misdemeanors. But that makes me a hypocrite.
My parents don't read my blog. I doubt they even know I have one. But if there was one on entry I hope they read it's this one. Swear words and all its an honest opinion. You are awesome. But you suck.
Donec occuramus Iterum Conveiniant
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