And I look down at my feet careful not to stumble. It's been a while since I posted and now I suppose this blog is now probably for simply my own benefit. I keep jiggling my leg as I write this. I'm not active enough in the day, maybe I need to start running again.
Well small talk over...
I've been reading my friends blogs. Not exactly ground breaking news but then It helps give my post context. First of all in my best friends blog he says that if a girl asked him for sex he wouldn't withhold it. While it's his opinion I can't agree with it. To me sex is the ultimate expression of love. It's not something you throw around willy nilly, and certainly not at our age. It changes my opinion of people when I hear about things like that. As if they somehow become lower. It's incredibly conceited of me, to assume I'm better because I can think with my head and not just my penis but sometimes it's incredibly true. He also talked about innocent girls. I don't know how you define innocent anymore. Everybody is exposed to sexual derision and constant sex jokes at some point in their life. So if you define innocent like that then nobody's innocent. But if you define innocent as a virgin then sure some people are virgin's but that sure as hell don't mean your innocent. And last of all before I move onto the next blog he talks about girls dropping hints. Sure most guys don't appreciate hints but then most guys aren't exactly bright. Some people appreciate hints because it shows that they have to make an effort. If for one appreciate real hints. Not the schoolboy type where if you like a girl your mean to her. I may just be waffling but it feels good to get these thoughts down on paper... err whatever the screen's made out of.
Now next blog. Whoo acomplishment. Right this isn't a series of points like in the last blog. This is about one big thing in particular. Can you justify leading someone on then breaking their heart. Well It depends largely on the circumstances. Some people don't realize what they are doing is leading someone on. Sometimes their just ignorant. And other times they enjoy being wanted. God knows I've felt this way before. They have no intention of actually going through with it they just want to be important. Don't get me wrong, I'd don't feel like that anymore. I love my girlfriend. Truly, madly, deeply, unequivocally and irrevocably. I've changed but I've tasted that sin and it tastes good. I know it's wrong now. But at the time it's so nice, so brilliant that you never want to stop. You go on with no regard to the feelings of others and at the end it leaves you hollow. It leaves you broken. "I've made all that effort and got nothing, Why?" I can't bare to think back on all the people i've hurt. There's to much broken glass for me to walk back that way. But if haven't learn anything then why keep it around. Maybe it would be beneficial to walk that weary way. To make myself see the pain and make sure I never do it again. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." And with all the intent in the world one tiny slip and your gone. And after all the work to prevent yourself from hurting someone it hurts even more than it would normally. The only way to never hurt is to never get involved in the first place. But that makes life hardly worth living. So as long as your willing to try and absolve those wrongs, regardless of whether this effort is accepted or not, you should be fine. But there are some things I can't forget and forgive. I can't forgive people for knowing wrongs. And even sometimes if they didn't realize it. I don't view the soul as anything much. Simply a measure of will. If something cuts into your soul a portion of will is gone. The will to live, love, run, walk, be angry or sad. If you cut into my soul then you take away from life itself. And I will never forgive people for taking that away from me. Not all the absolution from God and his mighty host could.
Well Donec Occurramus Iterum Conveniant.
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