It's thinking, for better or for worse

"You know enough for it to hurt." Six simple words about something I've been considering a lot these days. It comes from a book called Skulduggery Pleasant, The Deathbringer. Somebody called Fletcher Renn is trying to talk to somebody about his break up but he says something along the lines of you probably think I'm to young to know anything about that. And that's what people have told me. Many people who are around forty have told me and people around me that you're to young to know anything about love. I disagree. I agree wholeheartedly with the quote I started this with. People our age know enough for us to be hurt. Sure we might not go into the deep meaningful marriage type relationships but it still hurts like hell when we come out of a relationship.

Although a small fact about me. I have never been the dumper. Always the Dumpee. This pretty much tells me I cling. Something I knew already and was okay with. But that did raise a question for me. How long do you stay?

For instance, "How long do I like Tania after she has rejected me before moving on?" I asked myself that question and I have to say I don't have an answer. I still like her as a person and I enjoy her company but I'm fooling myself if I believe that she will be anything more than a friend. But I still haven't answered the questions. Do I still like her? Should I still like her? It's effort with no return at all but it's comfortable.

As comfortable as liking someone who will never say yes can be. I don't want to move on because there's nowhere for me to move to. And Micheal I'm sorry for what I said during the Tamara debacle. Now I know how you felt.

That's not rule it out. But for now I am indeed comfortable to just sit in the shadows with nothing but time and my own imagination.

So in all Honesty I'm still in the grey. I don't know if I still like her. And now I face something that is not what I expected to see. Not liking anyone. I've looked at other people and understood their reasons for not liking people but I never really accepted it. It felt like they were lying to themselves and I thought it would be impolite to try and persuade them. Emphasis on the I thought. It bares thinking about the old proverb that I don't know where it came from. "Before you judge a man walk a mile in his shoes." And I am not being sexist. I am just quoting. I'm guilty of that. I judge people on my own opinions and expect them to hold to it. I never really considered there point of view. Hence the non-acceptance of not looking for a relationship.

I'm not sure whether I clarified my thoughts. I'm not sure If I made what I wrote entirely clear. But I have not the patience or effort to go through and evaluate the logic behind each sentence. So it stands as it is.