To lazy to think of title.

Wikipedia tells me that dreams are the subconscious speaking to us. If that's the case then either my subconscious likes League as much as I do or it's gone to hell. It does get rather disconcerting when you're eaten by a video game character in your dreams. And you don't often get a situation that basically tells you even you don't know what you want, even in dreams. But then again it does reassure me of my imagination a little bit. I don't often get eaten by things so I consider it good that I can conjure an approximation of what it feels like to be eaten. Not something many people consider to be a good thing but... well this is me.

"This is me." How often have I uttered those words and expected people to know precisely what I meant by it. But I'm still learning what it means to be me. I come across as aloof sometimes and I don't mean to be. It's just that sometimes I don't have anything to say, or a way to say what I want to. And I wouldn't expect people to hang around me when they have nothing to say to me. So by my own logic I don't hang around people when I have nothing to say. This is offset by the fact that I enjoy some peoples company. I will act like a mute idiot around some people if it means that I get to spend time around them. But that doesn't work in one on one situations. And also situations where I feel completely and totally uncomfortable. New people for one, I mean new people are great once I get to know them but I sometimes seem a bit prickly and awkward. And given the option of a situation where I am uncomfortable and Comfortable I will take the Comfort every time. I want to say that if I really want to that I can just solider through the discomfort. But I can't I'll just scurry back to where I'm comfortable. And that's just me trying to explain my aloofness. There's a lot more about me that I can't explain. My arrogance... well that I can explain. I'm insecure. I thought that if I seemed sure of myself then I would become more sure of myself. I thought that if I pretended long enough then eventually it would be true. But it hasn't really. I've just ended up arrogant and self conscious of my failings. I show modesty to oversell myself and if I fail then I just say, "Well I did say I wasn't great at this."

And sometimes I wonder how my mind manages to go from a dream to my own failings. I'm unique, "Unique here having the meaning broken." I'm self destructive. I think of the worst outcomes of a situation.

Dammit it's just been a poor me post. I hate it when I just moan about my problems.