I was going to say that the world I see is a terrible place. But it isn't. It's the same world I've always looked. It's just the way that I look at it that's got a little bleaker.
There's a tournament series called the IEM Intel Extreme Masters. One of the games played is League so I took and interest in it. I've been watching and I'm a fan of two teams. SK gaming and CLG (Counter Logic Gaming). SK comes from France. CLG American. Yes this is getting deep again but I can't just launch into these things. Something I've learnt from writing. You can't pick a point and go. At least I can't. It just goes nowhere. And no book is made of just action sequences. As interesting as they are. You need the buildup. And background information. But anyway. The Finals (and semi finals) are a best of three. SK won second but that's not what I'm talking about. CLG won the first match but lost the last two. They lost to WorldElite a Chinese team. Not that them being Chinese is bad, just I support CLG. And I really wanted CLG to win. To pull something amazing out of their ass and win. Not just because I support them. But because I've started identifying with things far to much. I keep thinking that if CLG can pull something out so can I. And all the same for the various other things I support.
I suppose that it's a little silly. CLG winning won't have any effect on me in anyway. But I can't help but think it. I torture myself looking for absolution for problems in meaningless things and when they don't pull through and win or the absolution fails me I get really down. Like right now. When I saw Micheal say "WorldElite won" I just crumbled.
I was feeling good up till then. The first board of my folio was basically done. I have my cousins from Australia over. But right now all I want to do is... well the first thing I did was try to write. But staring at a screen for five minutes didn't help. Then I started this post. I have started writing. But I can't do a lot without talking some more to Micheal. Their are some details I need to iron out. I've started the introduction. It's history class about humanities flight from earth in fear of the alien known as Raskaan. I'm doing the colonists, Micheal's got the remnant left on earth. I'm having fun so far, just making things, ironing out details, characters that sort of thing. So it's given me something to an extent.
I get most of tomorrow of school tomorrow. I have to stay for second period because of a test and I have to stay for half of maths. But other than that I'm free to work with the tech crew to set up for stage challenge. Normally I'd be hoping I don't stuff up. But right now I just don't care. I've made mistakes. And they've caught up to me. And right now those mistakes can go fuck themselves with a forty foot pole. I can't be arsed thinking about them now. In fact i'm not even sure if I want to do this. I might just hand off to Saunders. He's supposed to be doing multimedia as well. I'll set up but he can do it. I suppose we'll see what happens tomorrow.
Skillet. Good band. But right now... no. Just no. Nothing that reminds me of Rachel. Nothing that reminds me of anything. I just want to lose myself in the music. I want to sink in and never come out. I don't want anything that means anything. Old Fall Out Boy. The newer stuff means something to me. But the old stuff I never looked at. Breaking Benjamin as well. Losing yourself in music is hard. Most music has a feeling ascribed to it. Some meaning in the lyrics.
I feel like slowly Rachel's falling away from anything close to a friend. It just seems like she doesn't make an effort when we talk. I've mostly started conversation. Eugh. Not ready for that admission. Micheal come back online. I need to tell you private best friend things.
Chivalry's a bitch and nice guys finish last.
In the name of the Emperor, Finish this!
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