We come again, not in peace and not in war.

Just solid indifference. I'm not on some epic quest. I don't know what I'm doing next week let alone further ahead. I have ideas but sometimes they never get further than that. I regard my own life with indifference. If it works it works and if it doesn't then I'm probably going to be past caring by then. I do find satisfaction in helping others. The smiles are genuinely warm and for a moment you are decidedly important. I'm writing this inside a bible talk. Now I'm trying not to be disrespectful. But to me the man is only half right. And every time he says something that's not quite right I cringe a little. So I've stopped listening. It's rude, but not as rude as yelling out my objections. Better I be thought slightly rude. This man has been brought to educate me on the apostle John but I can't agree with him.  I like someone else. I've moved on. But it's who I've moved on to that's the trouble currently. Astute people can figure it out. I can see the connection but that's because I hold all the information. So maybe even astute people couldn't figure it out. Maybe they just need that little tiny piece of the puzzle to figure it out. Maybe that changes their view on things. Maybe that makes their opinion of me worse, maybe it makes the opinion better. Maybe it doesn't change anything. Maybe the change was what I needed. Maybe I was better off when it had never changed. There are many ways to think about this and no real way to make a measured guess as to the out come.  I think I'm reasonably handsome. Nothing special. But there's something about me that really makes people like me as a friend. Nothing more, and sometimes less. And sometimes I'm afraid that it will stay that way. I'm afraid that I'm going to stay everybody's friend with nothing more. I want to see both of the Aurora's before I die. Aurora Borealis and Aurora Australis. I've never seen either. And it just seems so beautiful and incredible and impossible. To tell you the truth I've completely forgotten the list I made about what I wanted to do until I suddenly wanted to see the Auroras. So far I'm fairly sure that nothing has changed. Except for one thing.  11. I want someone special to take with me every time I do one of these things.  It doesn't have to be the same person every time. It just has to be somebody I care about.  I want to keep a visual diary. Or rather a visual written diary. Pictures and words working together to create a better view of emotions and anything else that could be portrayed. I don't know why, well that's a lie. I saw an example of it. My Ginger friend has one. I have more than one Ginger friend but Henry will always be the Ginger friend. The others are great but Henry was the first.  Oh theological debates. If space is expanding what's it's expanding into? Are we just born to die? The bible talk guy is talking about stars and it's interesting. Furthermore I can't disagree with it because I have no idea about astrology or is it astronomy? Well I have no idea about either. So if he was talking about the Zodiac one I couldn't disagree with him either. Accept for the fact it's bollocks It's Shakespeare's Monkeys. Over time your bound to get some things that are real.  Ah well that's it for today.  Actually no. I've realized that I only ever talk about what's wrong with my life. Because what's good isn't obvious until it's become bad. So what I'm really saying is "You don't know what you've got til it's gone."  Something I heard once. "Wars are necessary, while they take much of our resources they remove the people who use them and remove an excess of people that will invariably build up. Admittedly it results in an excess of females but nature seems to take care of that." And it makes sense. Wars may not be desirable, but they are regrettably necessary. Otherwise we will overwhelm the earths stockpile of resources. I'm looking at this objectively. I'm a pacifist normally but, It's the Reddecker plan from "World War Z" We don't have the resources to support everyone. We have to sacrifice some to save the rest.  Writing that made me sad. But it us the truth unless the humans change. And if we haven't changed so far so what hope for us is there.  In the name of the Emperor, Finish This.