But still. Anyway. I'm not naturally a happy person. I'm fairly laid back and easy going, I get by. But I'm not necessarily happy. I rely on friends and events and relationships to be happy. Now that I think about it, I don't know what to think about it. It means that I'll always want friends. It means I'll want to be around them which aren't necessarily bad things.
But today I have self diagnosed myself with Monophobia. Which is the fear of being alone or without a particular person. Obviously the second part doesn't apply to me right now. But after a day of being alone I will start to get hysterical. I won't be able to sleep and such. I don't know how that actually came to be but still it happened.
I've made friends with a person from Ontario Canada. And somebody from Virginia. Although we aren't actually friends. It's people that we play League with. We being Micheal and me. And maybe another guy eventually.
That's actually a good synonym for my life this song.
Step One, Drink.
Step Two, Drink
Step Three, Pretend you don't remember.
Step Four, Drink a little more.
Step Five, I need to run dry.
Aside from the drinking it's me. I want to be happy but I don't see how I'm supposed to change that part of me. And I have no desire to see a shrink or a counselor. So that part stays. I'll try. Like I do every time. But I'm not holding much hope for this. Maybe that's why it will fail. Because I don't believe it will.
I had fun tonight. I played League all after tea. I won every one of the three games I played and two of them were from the internet. I can't call it the guys from Chippermonkey because we were using a different server for one game and then Skype for the last. So the guys. That will do fine. Unless nnemoe finds this. Which i doubt. I made and effort to spell her name right and I have no idea if I did. To lazy to log back on and check.
This was meant to be on of my smaller posts.
In the name of the Emperor, Finish this!
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