I feel a little better.

I have recently downloaded a series I watched as a kid. It's called Zoids, New Century Zero. I know it's technically illegal now but I don't care. I felt like watching Zoids again because it reminded me of when I was a kid. And I think I needed that. It's calmed me down. Helped me think in the black and white terms that kids use. It's growing up that's fucked most of this up.

Most of all I wanted that kind of forgiveness you get as a kid. I wanted to be able to say that's okay and carry on like nothing happened. I want to forgive people for things I hold against them that maybe they don't even know that I do.

I feel kind of ridiculous typing a deep and meaningful post about my feelings when I'm wearing a blue and white wig and a silly hat. But then again. Ridiculous is an old friend of mine.

In Zoids the main character is called Bit Cloud. It's a silly name but he's completely focused on his dream. Nothing like girls to get in his way. I want to be like that. It's just one thing that stands between me and that. Well two.

The first being that I care about people to much. I can't help but want to help people when they're in trouble. And then I end up getting attached to them. That's not an arch type to my relationships. Mostly my crushes actually. Only a few haven't been formed this way.

The second being my dream means me being happy. That's all I want. Just to be happy. And the only times I've been really happy for a consistent time is when I've had a girlfriend. It's shallow. But it's how I feel. And if you think less of me because of it then fuck you. Not everyone's who you expect them to be and not everyone will stay the same forever. If you'd asked me this a week a ago I wouldn't have told you anything like this. But now I am.

There we have it, an angry insight into the way I think. I want to play dominion. But it's to late at night. There's something else that shall never be mentioned again. Micheal knows. I actually have no idea why I put that here. But it's staying. It's staying because I said so. And it's my blog.

In the name of  the Emperor, Finish This!