But then I'm no stranger to broken promises. I've seen many and broken few. My word gives me a certain satisfaction. That I never break it without a solid and tangible reason.
The reason that this is going to be a long one is that it's actually two posts. One I wrote a while back and never published and one I'm writing now. Partly is response to the old blog and partly because I want to write.
Anyway this is the post. Title's in bold.
Morning world, allow me to throw up on you.
Good morning. Today's post once again comes from the comfort of my bed. A few of the ones that I've written when I had no internet connection where written there. Part of the reason is that I'm comfortable. And that it was nice when I did it last time.
Threw up a few minutes ago. Three times. Once, managed to walk away from the puke, threw up again, then got out the door and puked again. It was as fun as I remembered throwing up was. Which is to say it wasn't. But no more of those stories. I did get told I looked drunk today. But that was just a combination of several late nights, the fact that I've been sick for a while and a very strenuous day. I wasn't actually drunk. I don't drink. People keep suggesting coke and something alcohol. But that just seems like you're ruining good coke. I like coke why can't I just drink that?
I want to bitch about a teacher telling me off for nagging today. But I found something in the bible. It's from 1st peter.
For what glory is it if when ye sin ye are troubled for it. But if ye do well and are troubled take it patiently. For this is acceptable to God.
Obviously the circumstances aren't quite the same but I'm taking a small liberty here. So instead of telling the world. I'll tell this blog and then bullshit you about how I'm just going to take it like a man. It's getting later and later and I still can't sleep. So I've picked up the Ipod again. It's a clear cold night and it seemed to be starless but it wasn't so. The tiny pinprick's of light were as present as ever. Continuing their silent vigil in the sky.
I'm going to learn the guitar before the next talent quest so that if I want to I can enter and play some proper music. Something like acoustic "Time to dance" or acoustic "Ballad of Mona Lisa"
I find myself thinking about how this isn't anything close to a diary. Again. Some thoughts don't get written down. Only said to a single friend. Maybe more. I want to talk to Micheal now, more than ever but Paranoia is becoming me and I don't trust VOIP (Voice over IP) or text based communication. I might go see him on Monday. I have some things to do on Monday.
I want to play league now for some reason. But it's 1 in the morning and mum might not be happy with me. Or it was 1 last time I checked.
I also wanted to talk about my childhood. My memory of it is definitely punctuated. I remember some things really well and others not at all. But there was a TV show named Zoids. And I'm downloading it and watching it. I want to be a kid again. I want to be the adult that never really grew up.
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And that's the end of that post. Time for todays. That post was really just dreams and feelings. No real facts. The story that me and Micheal are writing has slowed down. The holidays actually haven't helped.
I like Dante from Devil May Cry. He sometimes reminds me of me. Reasonably rarely. Between all the demon killing and stylish dressing there's a few times that something that I'd say. Or something small like that. I'm not as cynical or world weary. But sometimes.
I still want to play league. It feels nice. To pit your skill against people from around the world. Having to work with people who you don't know for a common goal. But by the same token when people I don't know or respect start bitching about an honest mistake or I'm not doing as well as I can. Then I just think fuck it. I'm a casual gamer. I play for fun. I don't spoil other peoples games. I mean I'm okay but I'm by no means hotshotGG(Awesome League player).
That's just me I suppose. I defend League because I like it. Don't tell me it sucks. HoN's player base it worse than leagues apparently. And original DoTA was just for elitists. I'm after casual game. Not super pro awesome every game.
My game preferences are completely different to my relationship preferences. I want serious every time in a relationship. *Sigh* I think I saw Rachel today. I can't be sure and I don't know. I still don't really know where I stand with her. In the relationship I didn't see her much and out of it I'm liable to not see her at all. I want to stay friends but it's just a little hard. I've never been in this situation. I'm still new to the Nuances of want to be friends with the out of town ex-girlfriend.
Mild heart attack as I lose my phone. All better now.
My memory is weird. I can remember some things close to crystal clear. Like the person I thought was Rachel. I only saw the back of them. So Rachel, I think Tania (A friend) and someone else. The person I thought was Rachel was wearing a town production shirt from Les Miserables. One of the three was giving something to somebody else. The person I don't know but have an idea who it is was wearing some kind of sweatshirt and trackpants. There are other details but I'm a little creeped out at my memory of somebody that I may not even know. My mind seems to have deemed this important. And I can't remember something tangible and important like a deadline.
Well I always was a little odd. I've also deemed writing this more important than a visit to the bathroom. And yes you needed to know. I'm dedicated to my two readers.
Well more than half of this is my current writing. So it seems my work is done. But I want to keep writing. It's been constant. It's something solid. Writing blog posts, publishing them, knowing that two people read them with any regularity. I want a girl friend. Not a girlfriend but a girl friend. A girl who is a friend. Well I have many but I don't have any really good ones. Not really, not anymore.
Well that's me. I can't think of much else to say. That's a lie. I can think of something I just don't want to say it. Still afraid of image and consequence.
In the name of the Emperor, Finish This!
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