Does it?

There’s nothing to say that what I’m doing will have any bearing on anything ever. There’s no saying that spending time with her will actually make her want me more. There’s nothing to say that I will ever end up with her. But I want it. I want something to go my way. But I’ve been given that before and look how well that turned out. Come to think of it, it turned out rather well. Well as well as the situation could have warranted.

I still haven’t found my “girl” “friend”.  There has got to be a better way of signifying that. But no matter I shall persist. It’s not that I haven’t been looking It’s just that nobody seems to be right for it. The only person I can think of is the object of my most recent crush, which kind of gets rid of the whole Girl who is a Friend angle. Because obviously if I have a crush on her then I want to be a bit more than friends. 

Well I’m incredibly tired. And that’s weird because I got a good night’s sleep. My computer keeps crashing while I play league. Maybe if I update the drivers then that might help. Well that was confusing and not at all helpful. I’ll update later and chance it for now. Besides doing things to the computer is not at all helpful when tired.

Whooo. My parents berated me today for doing exactly what they said. I wasn’t being sarcastic or anything at the time either. She said that I needed to leave a note or tell her I was going. I left the note as instructed and then got in trouble when I told mum I was studying at the MacKay’s. I mean I went out to study and I left her a note. Later I found out that this was not what she meant and that If she was there I should let her know. I thought I could do one or the other. But nope Jordan’s wrong again. I love it when people assume I know these things

Sometimes I wonder. And to an extent wander. I walk around and just look at things. It puts me in kind of a detached mood. I don't often do it, I don't exactly take leave of my senses but it comes pretty close. And I've done some silly things while doing that. Decisions you don't entirely think through. 

Why is it? Why despite the fact I don't expect her to say yes that I continue to like her? If the affair is as doomed as I make it out then surely I should just sever all ties and then continue on. But I can't. I have no idea why. It's as if it just won't leave me alone. I just realized that sounds kind of silly. A feeling won't leave me alone. And yet it just is. I can't explain it more than that. Or I just don't want to. Sometimes part of the magic is the fact that you don't know. It's like having a secret admirer. You spend your days imagining what he or she looks like and why they don't want to tell you and when the truth is revealed, most times it's considerably less glamorous than what you imagined. Though I'm not ruling out that certain sometimes. Movies are based off something and very very rarely it happens just how you imagine it. 

I'm hoping I get that certain sometimes. 

In the name of the Emperor, Finish This!