You can just sit here and stare.

Or you can do something. But some days I prefer to just sit and stare. I'm not confident. But right now I don't care. It's almost like I'm tired of sitting on it. I'm so tired, I just want it to end. And in some ways, I just wish I'd had this attitude a long time ago.

I'm also tired of not writing. This is for my benefit now. I don't care if nobody ever reads it. I don't care if nothing meaningful gets done. I don't care. I just want something that is mine. Undeniably mine.

It's selfish. But I'm tired of trying to pander to other people to make them feel better. I try to be a friend and someone to talk to. But It seems like I'm just not treated that way. I'm just that mildly funny guy.

It's weird looking back at it. I said that I need other people in my life to be happy. I depend on them, and now I'm doing something completely for me. I think it's high time I did at least one thing for me. And I know some people that should do that as well. No names named. No small voices telling them. They don't get to know for now. Because if I'm not someone to talk to about serious stuff why would anyone listen. And I'd probably get backhanded for it. Not literally, a metaphoric backhand. To my metaphorical face. Although some of the people I wouldn't rule out an actual backhand.

I don't speak much sometimes. Because I feel that other people have more things to say that are more relevant. And what's the point in saying something if it has no purpose. There are times where I just end up blathering about anything. Most notably when I'm nervous. Or If I want to keep talking to someone.

Let's just wait and type. Just to see if anything jumps to mind. Except for the songs blaring in my headphones. Just Prison Break. That was a good series. Well the first series anyway. Nope nothing's jumping to mind except reloading sounds. Reloading of guns that would be. I've never heard it in real life except for a bolt action. But Video games are pretty realistic these days. The SPARTAN's in Halo Reach have excellent firearms discipline. Because whenever they change to the pistol they take the safety off. I dunno if they do that for the other guns because I've only ever played Zombies. "I LIED" I have played other game types. But not any that stick to mind. Unlike Zombies, which is all we play when I go to the MacKay's. That's not a complaint. It's just an observation. I was tempted to steal Tania's blanket today. Just tempted I didn't actually do it. But it was a nice blanket. I should get one. And a teddy. I said I'd get a teddy a while back and I never got round to it. I wonder what she will think when I tell her? I wonder if she'll realize that the blogs are referencing her? That's maybe a bit too hinty. Fuck it. It's staying. I wasn't planning on keeping it a secret much longer.

Still no sign-off.