Things that just seem to happen

Got the blond one staring me down.
And I really wanna take a swing.


I've never wanted to get in fight. I always thought I could talk my way out of a fight and still come out on top. I mean sure i'm big and strong. And I could take on most people and give them a run for they're money. Not because I'm a good fighter. Just because sometimes I'm to stupid to back down. But these days I find myself insulting people just because I want a fight. I want to get punched in the mouth and then smack whoever it was back into the dark ages. 


I was never violent before. But what changed? It wasn't sudden, a bloodlust, that sort of thing. I'm just slowly becoming more physical. And it scares me. I seem to live my life these days afraid of what I might do to other people. One day I'm going to snap. This isn't an if... I will snap someday and I don't want to be around to see it. Because I'm scared of the lengths I'll go to, because I'm scared of what it'll make my friends think. 


I'm okay with my life for the most part. I've been handed a lot and made to work for a lot. I'm not complaining about that. It's just me that seems to be the problem. I isolate myself and my feelings from other people and I need other people to be happy. I tend to keep headbutting a problem to make it go away. I'm intelligent. But smart is not the same as intelligence. Smart is when you know what to do with that intelligence. I just sit at a computer finding things to do and playing games. I'm turning into a computer potato. 


And now I've got a killer headache. Thinking hurts. Not because I keep getting headaches. But because of the realities  my mind has to deal with. I try to think my way out of them and I never end up doing anything. I'm conceited, I rarely think about other people. And even then I'm involved somehow. 


I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headache's call it home. 


The world is a bad place. It's the individuals in it that make it a good place. You just have to find the right people. 


Define home. Is it where you live or where you belong. "Home is where the heart is." So I'm gonna have to say it's where you belong. With your friends and family. And yet I'm still considering moving somewhere and not telling anybody. Just vanishing from my friends and family. I'm still considering the military where I don't know how often I'll get to see home. 


When the Moon found the Sun he looked like he was barely hanging on.
But her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer.


Well I found my moon and my life was prolonged to the least. But I dunno. 


Friends, lovers or nothing. 


I'm confused about where I want to go, where I want to be, who I want to be, who I want to be with. The only thing I have is that list and that's not going to get me far. The list won't pay for itself. I wish it would. That would be great. Not having to worry about money. I suppose that's what attracted me about being an author. I love writing and I'd love to be paid for it. But I can't finish a book let alone get it published. 


Things have changed for me
But that's okay
I'm on my way.


To where?


I have got to stop relying on song lyrics for a blog entry.


Anyway here's a signoff from Warhammer 40,000


In the name of the Emperor, FINISH THIS.